Review: Alexander's Blog Post
*Moved from Learn, there is a full word document with comments in the Learn post*
*Before reading*
I'm attaching a word document with my comments. I'm avoiding pointing at grammatical things, word choice, etc. because I want to rather focus on the content itself and respond to that. I feel like the assignment was intended not to be another editorial process but rather to see how I feel as a reader when reading. So, I'll do my best to try to just focus on the content itself.
*After reading*
I wasn't sure what was happening in the post because there seems to be a copy of your article posted again in the same post. I wasn't sure if this was two different editions or not, I didn't notice differences at first glance. So, I stuck to the first one with my comments. I think that as a whole, you have the information required to make a very compelling piece, but as it stands right now there needs to be some restructuring. In my comments, I pointed out the places where I felt like I was confused. The biggest thing that I think is bringing the line "As Korean idols dip into western media, they're faced...", found at the end of the paragraph with lyrics, to an earlier point in the piece. It was only at the point where I realized why this issue was important now more than ever.
I know my comments are mostly critical with some sprinklings of positivity, but I do think that your post has very good examples. The examples do a great job showing the current state and how mental health awareness is just scraping the surface recently in South Korea. You did well on your research. I think the direction you would go next if working on this is maybe try to draw a comparison to what it is like in America. I live under a rock, so I don't know anything about pop culture or what celebrities are going through, but I feel like if you set a grounds for the reader to understand what mental health awareness is like in America. It would give a little context to exactly how much worse the South Korean scene is. I get that its bad, but in America I assume its pretty bad too since you mention the incidents with Mac Miller and such.
I liked the concept behind your post, it is something that I would not have really known before. I knew stars felt the pressure, and did know that Korean stars had different expectations, but didn't realize that it could be that much worse.
*Before reading*
I'm attaching a word document with my comments. I'm avoiding pointing at grammatical things, word choice, etc. because I want to rather focus on the content itself and respond to that. I feel like the assignment was intended not to be another editorial process but rather to see how I feel as a reader when reading. So, I'll do my best to try to just focus on the content itself.
*After reading*
I wasn't sure what was happening in the post because there seems to be a copy of your article posted again in the same post. I wasn't sure if this was two different editions or not, I didn't notice differences at first glance. So, I stuck to the first one with my comments. I think that as a whole, you have the information required to make a very compelling piece, but as it stands right now there needs to be some restructuring. In my comments, I pointed out the places where I felt like I was confused. The biggest thing that I think is bringing the line "As Korean idols dip into western media, they're faced...", found at the end of the paragraph with lyrics, to an earlier point in the piece. It was only at the point where I realized why this issue was important now more than ever.
I know my comments are mostly critical with some sprinklings of positivity, but I do think that your post has very good examples. The examples do a great job showing the current state and how mental health awareness is just scraping the surface recently in South Korea. You did well on your research. I think the direction you would go next if working on this is maybe try to draw a comparison to what it is like in America. I live under a rock, so I don't know anything about pop culture or what celebrities are going through, but I feel like if you set a grounds for the reader to understand what mental health awareness is like in America. It would give a little context to exactly how much worse the South Korean scene is. I get that its bad, but in America I assume its pretty bad too since you mention the incidents with Mac Miller and such.
I liked the concept behind your post, it is something that I would not have really known before. I knew stars felt the pressure, and did know that Korean stars had different expectations, but didn't realize that it could be that much worse.
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